Deflated

Last year as a full time stay at home mom plus my full time job I was able to achieve an award through work. I had received an award for my previous years in the industry but as a team member, never as an individual. I quit the team in '09 and didn't qualify for an award that year but considering that I was pregnant through the year and was focused on that, I still managed to do well. This year, part of me was surprised to find out that I had actually achieved an award considering all that was on my plate and the other part was a bit annoyed that I didn't actually achieve an award greater (that's my dad coming out in me there-always striving to achieve greater).

The awards banquet is in 2 weeks. I've been asking D if he wants to go for a bit and last night we had a discussion about it. It started out as a discussion but ended with hurt feelings and confusion. D's hesitant about going. He thinks that it's cheesy and I believe, unnecessary. He said he was proud of me (and has told me that before) and thought that we could celebrate in a different way like going out for supper. It hurt my feelings that he didn't recognize the importance of this to me and that he said that he'd honestly rather not go. I don't want him there knowing that I've had to force him into going. That he'd rather be somewhere else. I wanted him to want to go and put his feelings aside and do it because it's important to me. Because at the end of the day the banquet and the evening would be about me and my achievements and I was hoping he would put aside his opinions and objections for one night.

Being self employed, I don't get many opportunities to have recognition. It's hard because D gets constant recognition at his work with his bosses saying he's doing a great job or they send out an email to everyone in the company saying what a great job he's done. They've even thanked him with gift cards. Besides the banquet, my work recognition comes soley from my clients thanking me for the job I've done. Which by the way, I'm not discrediting by any means.

I don't know why the recognition is important, yes it's kind of a hokey event as most realtors are flashy and like showing off. They call out your name and you walk across a stage and you get your picture taken with the president of the company. The definition of hokey really. That's not me. At all. I just feel that it was such a busy year with raising Hudson, keeping the house in order, and working that I really was able to do the impossible. And I kinda want acknowledgement for that. I want to have a moment where I know D is proud of me. Without him having to say it. Where I have tangible appreciation for what I do. Because everyday I do a thankless job and don't expect anything in return.

It just feels nice to be honored once in awhile.