Waiting

Yes, that's right. I told my hormones that I'm going to wait to have another baby. I thought long and hard about it and right now, things just work. I'm still able to work as much as I did in previous years (I've been lucky that I can do it evenings and weekends so far) and until we pay off our cc's and our line of credit meaning we will then allow ourselves to get a new vehicle, then baby #2 must wait. I thought about it and if I was to get pregnant now, and even assuming that I'm not sick during my pregnancy and unable to work, I can't swing it. We're going to wait until August or so before we start trying which means that baby will be born in May or later (allowing me to have one more busy spring of work). It just makes sense. D agrees with me and says that as long as we're in a good financial position and we've accomplished most of our goals then he's game. If we do it next month then good, if it takes until August then that's also good. It gives me more of that extra push to get my ass in gear work wise!

Hudson is doing great. He got his 4 month shots yesterday and he was a very brave boy. He only cried a little but he's very easy to cheer up. The nurse weighed him and he's 18 lbs!! He's in the 95th percentile but she said that she's never come across a 4 month old so solid in muscle before, hence the 18lbs. I was a proud mom :) She also said that developmentally he's more like a 6 month old in regards to how alert he is, how he can follow things easily with his eyes, and how he has a good set of lungs and squeals when he's happy. She may have been crazy but I'd like to believe her :)

We have started our bellie's and buns fitness class this week. It's similar to the last class but instead of walking with the babe around an indoor track for 1/2 hour then weights, it's 1/2 hour of cardio (usually step) and then weights. I'm not sure I like it as much as I'm new to the whole step thing and screw up lots and the instructor doesn't involve the babies as much. He just lays on the mat beside me and plays. When I pick him up and sit him on me when we're doing crunches or something, he squeals so loud, right over the music. Everyone laughs.

Oh Hudson, you are such a wonderful little boy. I hope you know how truly special you are.

Am I crazy?

For the past month or so I've been thinking about something that I've been too afraid to admit to D, too afraid to even write about.

I want to have another baby.

I know, it sounds crazy. I have a 4 month old and I'm still healing physically and mentally from it (trust me, 4 months ago wasn't that long ago-I still remember the pain and the pure hell the 1st 6 weeks were).

But I can't help it. I've tried to ignore it but the nagging feeling WILL NOT go away.

Maybe it's because Hudson is such an AWESOME baby (which means that I'm sure the 2nd baby will be a terror I'm sure).

Maybe it's because I feel like I kinda just want to get the second one over with, as horrible as that sounds. I didn't really enjoy the newborn stage as much as I enjoy him now that he's older. We know we want to have 2 maybe 3 kids and I had an awful time being so sick when pregnant, I'd kind of just like to get that part over, if that makes sense.

Or maybe it's because I'd really like to have my kids close in age. If I was to get pregnant now, they'd only be 13 months apart. I think it would be a lot tougher to have them spaced 2 years apart and have a terrible 2 and a newborn. And I really wouldn't want them to be 3 or more years apart.

I don't know what is causing this and even though I'm not breastfeeding, I feel like my hormones are out of whack. Is that possible?

Do I know what I'm signing up for? What could we be getting ourselves into? I mean we need to pay off our credit cards, and pay off our line of credit so we can get a new car. Physically we have the space for another baby in the house. I can still work and am still working now so I don't see that being an issue for the first few months. D's starting a fantastic new job on Monday with a lot more security, pension, better benefits, better salary, and a chance to move up in the company. So for me it's a matter of figuring out financially if we can swing it. (Not to mention the biggest possible set back-getting D on board :))Do I sound crazy?

4 months

Already 1/3 of a year already! He's getting better at sitting unassisted although he doesn't really like bending (he acts like he's a 2 x 4) and he is wobbly. He can't sit for long by himself before he falls over but he trying. He's not trying to roll over at all. I keep reading that babies by 4 months are usually able to roll over but he's not even trying at this point. He would much rather stand or sit. I think he's going to walk before he crawls, but that's just me.

Right now he's going through a bit of a growth spurt I think. He's been sleeping a lot more and whenever he starts the eyes closed screaming I put him in his crib and he falls asleep right away. Sometimes for 20 mins, sometimes for 3 hours. Anything to stop the screaming.

He's been eating around 4 1/2 9oz bottles a day. We stopped feeding him rice cereal after about 3 times because we decided that there's no rush. Plus I don't want to have to deal with that in Mexico and have more stuff to sterilize (we're staying in a house not a resort so we have to be careful about the water).

Plus he's not starving or needing to sleep more or not feeling full enough so he'll be fine.

Yesterday was my dad's 50th birthday! Part of the reason of this trip we're taking with my parents is that it's D and I's 30th birthdays this year and my parents just turned 50. It's sort of a celebration for all of us.

I took this pic early yesterday and sent it to my dad. He passed it around at work and printed it out to show mom (she's not the best with technology) and he's going to put it up in his office at work. He's a proud grandpa!

Sizing

It amazes me how sometimes I think that Hudson has swiftly grown from a tiny baby into a little human. Yes he's only 3 1/2 months but I never expected him to have the distinct personality as he does now. However, I also forget just how little he really is until I catch me holding him in the mirror and realize that he is still just 2 feet of baby.

Perception is a strange thing.

I've already had to put away an entire rubbermaid container worth of cloth diapers, onezies, sleepers, and clothes. I feel like before I know it, he'll be running around digging up worms and starting kindergarten. Where is the pause button when you need it?

Sugar Doll Award

Thanks to Jin for giving me my first award! Thanks! Now I have to write 10 things you all may not know about me. Well that will be easy since I don't really write about me, the focus of the blog is on Hudson.

Here goes:

1. I love traveling around the world. D and I have travelled quite a bit in our lives already and I would love to take Hudson one day and share that with him. Our backpacks have taken us to over 20 countries.

2. D is my best friend. He was also my first serious boyfriend and we've been together for 12 years and married for 3 1/2.

3. I am an only child. People think that means that I was spoiled when I was younger but we weren't middle class until I was in high school. Now my parents are well off but D and I make a point to make a life for ourselves without depending financially on either family.

4. I always wished that I had a sibling. D has 3 brothers and I see how close they all are. Even though I've been considered part of the family for a long time now, it's just not the same. I want that for Hudson. I don't want him to grow up feeling like he's missing certain relationships. Even if it's only for support when times may be bad.

5. I don't want to be famous. It seems like now everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame. I don't even want a second.

6. I want 3 kids. It's crazy how much I love Hudson and it just makes me want oodles more because he is such an awesome little guy, however I think we'll stop at 3 :)

7. I've never been to Disneyland or Disneyworld. Ok, that's not true-my parents took me to Disneyland when I was 3 months. Of course I don't remember it. It's a trip we plan on taking with the kids one day.

8. One of my favorite places in the world is New York City. Out of everywhere we've been that city holds a piece of my heart. I can't explain it but I just love it so much.

9. I haven't ate read meat or pork since I was 12. I wanted to go full vegetarian when I was 12 but my mom wouldn't let me so I would eat seafood and chicken and turkey. I choose to eat that same way to this day.

10. I love my birthday! I always have and I always will. D and I share the same birthday so it makes it that more special. This year is the big 3-0!

Enough about me:)

Pictures

Here are a few recent pics of little Hudson. I think he looks EXACTLY like D but we get that he looks a lot like me quite often. I hope that doesn't mean that D and I look alike...

My favorite time of day

Little Hudson is now 3 1/2 months old. He's not so little anymore though, he's a little human now with personality and has likes and dislikes. It's amazing how young it begins. He loves 'trying to walk', dancing, or just moving his body in new positions or trying new things. For example, I'll jump him up the stairs and he loves that or held straight above our head, playing SuperBaby. The only time he gets really irritable is when he's overtired or had too much stimulation so when he gets like that I know that perhaps a 20 min nap is in order. He gets tired very easy but I love playing with him.

My favorite time of day is now at night before we go to bed. D and I (and Maddie and Hudson) have developed a routine that we do now every night and I love it! Around 10:30pm, we all head up to Hudson's room and get him bed. D grabs the tiger blanket (it's this hideous, but warm, blanket with a giant tiger on it that we got for our wedding from his great great aunt or something) and a pillow and lays on the floor while I am feeding and rocking him. Maddie joins in and grabs a bone to chew on top of D and we talk. Its nice besides the fact we get an hour of uninterrupted time to talk (Hudson is eating or at least not usually fussy now) and we're all up in the room together, as a family. Even Maddie. D usually ends up falling asleep on the floor and starts snoring. We've done it for almost a month now and I hope we continue to do it. I love it!!